I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
