I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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