Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
