I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
