If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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