if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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