I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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