I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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