Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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