I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
