Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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