Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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