This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Found the puke drawer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
