does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
