my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
