No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
