DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
