Kiss
Puke
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
either way he was missing a nipple.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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