well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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