OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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