i don't like sucking hair
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
