your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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