6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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