My first STD was from a foam party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
