She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
