i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
