my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
