Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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