he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
