I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
