Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
