i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
