Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
