It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
