just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
