we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
