i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize