so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
