Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
