This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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