I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
