I puked a lego.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
