Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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