This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
