What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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