I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
