Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
