thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
