Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
