I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
