I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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