I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please come you make the beer taste better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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