Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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