Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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