There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
