I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
