Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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