I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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