so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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