I think my vagina is haunted
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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