You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
