Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
