Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
