I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
